I’ve been thinking a lot lately about asking. There are really two ways to go about gaining knowledge in todays day in age: the internet (thanks OpenAi and Google) and asking people questions. Often times we have questions about certain topics, people, information, etc.- and we bite our tongues. Some of you may not struggle with that and just fire away. Kudos to you. But for those of us that worry about coming across as ill-informed, naive, or outright stupid, there are some things we can do to help get over the mental hurdle of asking questions. Forming questions that are coherent and logical is a skill in its own right and frankly it takes practice, but anyone can get good at it and it is an important tool to have in your arsenal. Whether it be for learning a skill, establishing new relationships, curating lucrative business opportunities- asking the right questions in the right context can carry you quite far.

Ask and You Shall Receive

First and foremost, what we need to understand is that asking questions in order to learn is probably the number one reason we should be asking questions in the first place. It is fundamental to human connection- Where are you from? Do you have kids? What makes you tick? These types of questions help us understand and make sense of who a person is. There is also an aspect of asking questions that can benefit us in our own endeavors. It is an unmatched way to acquire knowledge and learn without having to do much leg work. Many times we can avoid mistakes or capitalize on opportunities that others have realized in their own lives by simply asking them the correct questions. If you are entertaining the idea of allocating time and resources towards a particular venture, asking the right questions to the right people can save you time, money, and a whole lot of grief. But many times our ego will get in the way by telling us “Mmm don’t ask that, I don’t want to sound stupid” or “I’ll just act like I know what they’re talking about so we can get on with the conversation”. This is no way to think! We cannot let our ego or pride get in the way of humbling ourselves and asking away. There are a few things to consider when you’re in this situation:

1. People that are truly knowledgeable in a given field are likely inclined to share their knowledge

Have you ever gotten really good at something? If so, you may be reminded of this simple but often forgotten aspect of mastery; When we grasp and understand something in a deep sense- be it a concept, process, idea or plan, we love talking about it. As humans, there is something that lights up in the brain when we are able to share things we find interesting or enjoyable with other humans (I am no neuroscientist, so the mechanism for which is responsible for this function, I don’t know). With that in mind, we can breathe a bit and realize that IF this person is passionate about the topic at hand, they are more than likely willing to elaborate on anything you might be curious about. Many people of expertise would not be where they are at today if it weren’t for someone else sharing insights with them when they were in a learning phase. Most feel this is a way they can “pay it forward” and make their impact on those coming up.

2. Genuine curiosity is easily detectable

As for me, it is relatively easy to tell when someone is genuinely curious about me or something that they want to hear me speak about. We have all had those conversations with folks who behave in a way that screams “I can’t wait to get out of here!”- in my experience, these people are are either 1. Having a bad day or 2. They are being selfish. It is not uncommon to have an experience like this, and it is very important to not label the person as this or that- rather, recognize that after all, this person may not be the one that is meant to impart the wisdom that you seek upon you. Maintaining the glint in your eye and a thirst for knowledge is vastly more important than Joe Shmo telling you to piss off. Simply carry on. The right person will detect your hunger and jump on the opportunity to teach you something of value. Do not lose hope, stay genuinely curious!

3. Implementation is as equally important as acquiring

Once you have gotten ahold of what you are searching for, one of the most important parts comes in to play- implementation. There are so many instances in my life where I have asked all of the right questions, gathered the perfect information, and ultimately it led to nothing simply because I failed to implement. The universe works in tandem with momentum- seek, learn, implement, repeat. You get the ball rolling by asking questions, acquiring knowledge, gaining understanding- yet if you fail to implement, you lose the momentum! You will find it much harder to rebound and have to work 2x harder to get the inspiration back once the initial curiosity fades. If you have exhausted all of your efforts and implemented your findings and gotten no where, then that is ok. But just sitting on a heap of information and twiddling your thumbs does nothing for you and is a disservice the person who helped you along the way.

4. Closed mouths don’t get fed

It is common for those who are too afraid or bashful to risk looking stupid to complain about how unfair life is or how so and so has it “so easy”. In actuality, the biggest difference is in ones willingness to metaphorically open their mouths and receive what they long for. There is a saying that I think about often- “There is someone out there, way less qualified than you, living the life you want, achieving the things you want, simply because they took action, and you didn't.” You cannot expect to achieve great things by staying shy and retaining your quiet status. Yap. Be ballsy. Risk it all for an opportunity to be fed. If it goes awry, who gives a rip. Every day we get another crack at it. The only regret that you will have when it comes to asking is that you didn’t ask for more. If you feel undeserving, that is ok! Most of us are anyways. Risk sounding dumb, risk sounding naive, risk being vulnerable- you never know what could come of it.

Above all else, remember that you are responsible for you. What others think or say can only affect you if you let it. That is why we strive to be shameless in our efforts. At the end of the day, the knowledge and information you acquire rises and falls on your shoulders. Choose to step out of your comfort zone and embrace tension, challenge, and potential awkwardness in the pursuit of something greater than yourself.

Godspeed friends!